So my recovery from the car accident on April 11,2010 continues and as I follow the instructions of all the professionals around me, i find myself struggling to keep up with even the most menial tasks… what is wrong with me… why do I feel as if there is a fog over my head that won’t even let me think….
As i deal with the physical damage to my body and slowly get myself back to where I was, i find that some things aren’t healing back to where they were. For example, my left hand is always “asleep” or when i try to perform everyday functions such as interacting with my children, i find that i have to pause often to stretch out the pain in my back … very frustrating! Further, I cannot service my clientele to the levels i had previously set for myself and i have also experienced a significant decline in my ability to generate new revenues. Bills are piling up, my personal life is difficult to manage with my decreased abilities and my overall mood has turned dark… but how dark, i didn’t know until recently…
I’m certain that anyone reading this who has been in an accident can relate to some of my struggles – some less some worse. In fact, i just read an article in Men’s Health about a guy who had a sudden stroke and is working tirelessly to regain control of his body. I saw a video about a motivational speaker names Nick Vujicic, who has no arms and no legs but shows us that life is still worth living and that we must continue to try to pick ourselves up from each fall…and to never give up.
I looked at these people and thought to myself – it isn’t so bad. No matter what life was throwing at me, it wasn’t so bad. My problem is that I was in a bad place. My emotions were overpowering my mind. I cried in the middle of exercise, i cried at night. I slept often because i simply could not open my eyes. I would force myself up for my kids but ultimately, i even had to sacrifice time with them because I could not handle it.
I knew i had physical restraints, i could feel that and do my best to treat that, but where was this all coming from? Turns out, it was Depression. Depression was impairing my ability to function at even the most simple level. Fatigue, hopelessness, despair and longing to simply end it all were daily aspects of my life.
After speaking to my family doctor and my treating professional, it was recommended to me that I consult a psychiatrist. After completing my assessment, i was officially diagnosed as depressed and it was recommended that i start on anti-depressants to assist me with my rehabilitation. The medication is supposed to lower the emotional response, allowing me to stay in control of my mind.
So, here I am, moving forward with rehabilitation of my body and my mind. The medication is working to lift the “fog’ from my mind and allowing me to have more control… I can start the arduous journey of rebuilding my life sanely…